13 Things Which Have Passed Through My Small Brain Today;
- Shit, it's already 7:30? I can sleep 10 more minutes.
- OMGOD, it's 8:15?!?!?
- Why can't I ever find Monkey's socks.
- I need to buy more socks for Monkey.
- Fuckin' socks.
- Why can't the lady at Wendy's ever understand I want Equal for my tea? How do you say Equal in Spanish? Not that I mind she doesn't speak English, but I get tired of holding up the empty Equal packet to get my point across. And when I order Monkey's sausage biscuit, why is it always bacon? Does 'sausage' mean bacon in Spanish? And those 2 tiny slivers of bacon, does that even count as a meat?? Who can live on that?!
- Take Spanish lessons and quit being such a bitch.
- Why is that bitch honking at the guy in front of us when the light only just turned green? Is she on caffeine overdose? Can I run her off the road and just say it was my meds making me crazy? What a bitch. I'd honk at HER, but then the poor guy would think we were both honking at him. I'll have Monkey give her the bird. Much more effective, and proves that I'm a great parent.
- Why is this woman driving so close behind that me I can see her natural root color? The speed limit is 65, I'm doing 70 and I'm passing the car to my right. Where does she want me to go? I'll slow down to piss her off.
- Man, she can talk on the phone, drive AND drink her coffee at the same time. Well, not really. But she looks pissed. That's awesome.
- Why does Wendy's tea taste like coffee??!
- Why is there never any ice in their iced tea?!
- Oh, The View is on. I feel bad watching it because I think I'm helping to increase ratings.. giving Rosie power. But if I miss all of the mean things she says, then I'll be angry at myself for having to watch it on YouTube later. How can someone be so angry and nasty? You catch more flies with sugar.. isn't that an expression? She should try it. Holy cow, Marie Osmond has 8 kids? She's co-host.
