Where exactly does it all go wrong in life? When do people lose track of the basic kindness rules in life? And why do family members feel they can treat you worse than they would a friend or associate, just because they're related to you? I know I'm not perfect, but I really do try to at least be nice to other people. Contrary to my ex-friend neighbor that has done nothing but instill self-doubt in me for the last month, I try very hard to be a basically kind person.
I'm sure in 30 minutes I'll be over it. A simple conversation with my Mum, and I already feel better. But FUCK my Dad for being an asshole all my life. For being inconsiderate of other people's feelings and for basically being a heartless jerk. I know under all that hate, there is a person that would be there for me if I needed him. But he's still an asshole. I have to love him because he is my Dad, but 95% of the time I don't like him. When my Aunt and Nana in Switzerland died, I didn't ask for any personal items. I felt that since my Father was there, he should either keep it all as it was his, or he should divide out what he felt was right. But that didn't stop my two greedy selfish sisters from booking over there and taking everything they wanted. She was an artist, and had so much hand painted work.. they took it all. They hated my Aunt, and to this day say nothing but hateful things about her. But she meant so much to me, and we were so close when I lived with her. She would even tell people I was her daughter. She was an amazingly smart and strong woman. An instructor at the University of Zurich. I think of her all the time. Since my sisters took basically everything, I insisted on getting a ring which she bought while we were in Greece, and another with a red ruby in it which she wore every day. To me, they reminded me of her the most. Today my Father and I had the discussion of heirlooms, and how my Mother is concerned that my sister's are going to the UK in order to start taking things which belong to my sick wee-Nana in London. She is always offering things to my Mother when she visits, but she doesn't want to take her personal items! That's so creepy, to just take things which you're going to inherit.. because you want them NOW. And her concern is legitimate, I know they will do it. But my Dad started going on and on in one of his tirades on how she doesn't need more 'shit' and 'who cares about all that old stuff' and it isn't 'worth' anything anyway. I explained he's missing the point, it's an heirloom. It reminds you of family, and it's things which have been passed down. Who cares what it's worth, to you it's priceless. He didn't get it. So I reminded him about the large set of china he kept which my Aunt created. She designed it, and hand painted it over many years. It was gorgeous, and he wouldn't let my sister's have it because he wanted to keep it. "Oh, that doesn't mean anything to me. I wanted it for the restaurant to display. It's in a box somewhere." I just felt sick. I thought all these years that he appreciated it because his sister painted it.
"I'm going to sell it"
"You can't. It's not yours to sell, that belongs to the family.. Dad!"
"Fuck that. I actually already sold it."
"No you didn't."
"Yes I did. I sold it to a collector from St.Louis when I sold the restaurant."
"No, you wouldn't do that."
"Yes, I would. I got $8K for it. Your Aunt would prefer that I get money for it than for it to sit on a shelf somewhere."
"You're not being serious."
"I am. I don't care about any of it."
I told him I wasn't up to his being spiteful today, and hung up. Because I'm not. So I cried. Because I can't believe he would part with something so amazing. And so personal. But even if he didn't, I'm still hurt that he could be so mean and to say he did.
And screw my neighbor, too, while I'm at it. For coming into my life, inviting yourself into my home whenever it was convenient for you. For taking advantage of my 'open door' (literally) policy of being able to come and go whenever you wanted to. And then turning on me telling me how you need to spend less time around my family because basically I'm a bad parent and my son is a jerk. Oh, but wait, you took THAT part back and changed it to me just being venomous and evil. Who asked you to come down all the time? I'm tired of rude opinionated people that feel they can just express THEIR feelings on you about how you're a bad person, and you should take it and move on. But when you don't, then you need therapy. You might be used to being able to talk down to everyone in your family and they cower in your omnipotent greatness, but you do not talk to me that way. Screw you. And screw all of the other negative people that might be headed to my front door. I have a new ZERO TOLERANCE policy. Oh, and by the way, I'm even MORE pissed. While Mr.NV was in Vegas, Monkey and I had THIS great conversation.
"Momma, do you remember that bruise on my leg?"
I remembered, because when he has a bruise.. he has an entire battle to tell me about as to how he got it. When I asked him about the one on his calf and how he got it, "I don't know". And I thought that was odd.
"Yes, I remember."
"Do you want to know how I got it?"
"You remember now?"
"I didn't forget. C (omnipotent neighbor's husband) kicked me."
"WHAT?!"
"I didn't tell you because I thought I would get into trouble."
And I remember the night it happened. Clearly. For starters, how do you express to your child ENOUGH that when an adult hurts you, they tell you?! I realize this isn't call 911 stuff, but where will his little mind draw the line?? One evening after their family came over, the 2 kids and Mom had already walked up the hill. C was playing, rough I might add, in the front yard with Monkey. I was always concerned, because he would pick Monkey up and swing him around. I would cringe when they would get near the brick pillars. So, after he put him down Monkey chased him towards the far corner of our lot. I guess at that point Monkey kicked him in the leg. OK, I understand, don't kick. But you tell the child, "Don't kick!" How hard can a 7 year old kick an adult anyway? This guy is like 6'2, a big man. So Monkey laughed and ran towards the other corner of our lot, and he chased him. Monkey stopped exhausted, they had been roughing around for a while, and then he started running again because C wasn't stopping. He tackled him behind the tree on our front lawn, and because it was dark I couldn't tell what was going on. It just looked like he sort of grabbed him and tackled him to the grass. But I do remember Monkey was very quiet after that, and came and sat next to me on the front step. And I remember C saying, "Don't like that so much, do ya?" .. but it never sank in. I thought Monkey was just tired. But, as it turns out, he kicked Monkey in the leg. And that bruise was there about a week. And now that I know what actually happened, I'm even more pissed. And I know Monkey isn't lying, he was upset when he told me because he knew I would be mad at him for kicking C. But never in this lifetime could I fathom chasing down a child and KICKING THEM BACK??? That must be one of those 'real life consequences' she was talking about??!! And he is that type of person. The same person that I had to tell repeatedly to stop hitting my dog. He was sniffing on my kitchen counters, and he would smack him in the head. And something else he was doing in my office, and he hit him again. Who goes into someone else's house and hits their dog??
So I'm mad. I'm mad that my Father really is shallow and materialistic. And I'm mad that I am still upset about the nasty things that my neighbor said to me. She really got under my skin. I hate people that feel they know more than everyone else, and that it's their job to point out all of your faults. And I'm usually really good about spotting those types of people, and I avoid them. But she managed to wiggle her way into my space, and so I'm pissed for letting my guard down.
And I'm mad that my sister M is complaining that tomorrow and Thursday she has to 'babysit' a completely charming and sweet lady from Taiwan. She's pissed about having to take her shopping.. when that is all she does anyway? And I know that to her face she's going to be all nice and sweet, but behind her back she's just pissed and put-out. And she has NOTHING else to do with her life. Her 6-figure income alcoholic leech off the system husband that is only ever home 4 days out of the month won't be home. She has no job. She's probably just mad that she'll miss some QVC special. And why do they have to go shopping? There are some amazing small towns around this area... she could just take her on a tour of everything. But of course, everyone thinks M is sweet and adorable. Because she puts on a great show.
Screw sneaky people. I'm fucking tired of all of them. I am who I am, and if you don't like it then you need to turn around and walk the other direction as quickly as possible. Faster, even. Because I am SO not in the mood anymore.
