Tricky Tricky

Monkey and I were discussing a child being kidnapped. I was reading a news story about a little girl in Austria that had been kidnapped when she was 10.. she is now 18. She had been held hostage by some guy, kept in his home the entire time. And the Monkey pulled a fast one on me, "What about elves?".
"Elves??"
Yes, Monkey still believes in Santa. It's cute. Even if his friends don't, he tells them that is their choice... but that he does. And why not? It's fun to believe in someone that brings you presents :) But we tell him, regarding being good, that elves are usually watching you all year. Not daily, but often. So this had him thinking.
"Why don't the elves help?"
"Help with what?" .. because I'm so clueless.. I thought he was on to a different conversation.
"The children. If they see a child being kidnapped or hurt, can't they help?"
Wow. I wasn't sure where to go on that one. I told him I wasn't sure what the rules were on getting involved, but I'm sure that if they happened to be there at the time.. they probably would help.

You know, it's at that time that you almost feel bad for making your child believe in a non-existent character. For him to think that in a time of emergency, an elf might just pop out of the bushes and rescue him.

I'm such a McLoser.

I completely forgot the 'meme' that SBS tagged me with. Not that I have any idea what 'meme' stands for, and I'm prolly falling for some bad bloggety trick that I don't know about. But.. what can you do :) So, here goes...

YOUR ROCK STAR NAME:
(first pet and current street name)
Goldilocks Barry
YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME:
(grandfather or grandmother on your mom's side, your favorite candy)
Ada Lindt
YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME:
(first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your middle name)
Lan
YOUR DETECTIVE NAME:
(favorite color, favorite animal)
Violet Jaguar
YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME:
(middle name, city where you were born)
Angela Edinburgh
YOUR STAR WARS NAME:
(the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 2 letters of mom's maiden name and first 3 letters of the town you grew up in.) - shyte!
VonLoJoJos
SUPERHERO NAME:
(your favorite color, favorite drink)
Violet Guinness

That was kinda fun :) I think I'll tag Chalice and her buddy Blu just so they have to think :) Oh, and I will admit, I did stretch the last name one.. used a family name but not my current last name. Sorry.. just too personal.

I want my TWO DOLLARSSS!!!!

OK, so it was really hard for me to watch the pre-show on E! because we had tornado warnings in our area! Probably the first time I told the Mr "NO!" when he asked if I wanted to go and check it out. And flooding, flash flooding.. and all that good stuff. I thought that the coverage was actually going to run over the show.. but they stopped blabbering finally. It was way out East by then.. but they really kept going on and on about it.

Anyway, the most beautiful person there tonight, in my opinion.. was Helen Mirren. Wow, she really looked amazing. And how old is she? She looked so classy... until her first words were that she didn't want to fall 'heel over tits' or something like that. You can dress em' up... :) But she really was great in 'Elizabeth I'... I watched it twice. I'm so happy she won!

Bad news is :) ryandxc and AnniE both had 9 right!!! Uh Oh!! What do we do? Split the winnings?!?!? Let me know what you guys want to do. I guess I can split the big pay-off and mail you each 1/2 :) And I can divide the super-secret prize. So let me know. Please email all private info, my email is on my profile page. And SBS, I am so sorry, you only had 6 right :( But don't feel too bad, my Mother and Step only had 2 right! Bwaaahahah!

Beautiful Work... and HALLOWEEN!!

I love to browse eBay for ideas on costumes. Unfortunately.. or fortunately??.. I don't have a daughter, so I don't really get too carried away. Years ago, my husband and I used to win $$$ and trips at bars for Halloween costume contests. But there is a seller on eBay, she makes the most beautiful outfits around the Halloween season... check these out!!

Costume #1 .. Costume #2

Doesn't she just rock? I know, most people aren't into that. But man, I just love that someone can take a bunch of fabric and shiny baubles.. and create something so dang fun for a kid to wear! Monkey always wants to be camo - camo - camo.. with camo face and camo clothes... bla bla bla.

Oh, I also love to browse these things ... because I am blown away at how much people will pay for them! Holy!! Quite a few have sold for over $300. It makes me want to dig out my sewing machine :) But I could never keep up with this lady. She's awesome. And her daughters are beautiful! They have the most amazing long red hair.

Emmy's TONIGHT .. get on it!

OK, all of my millions of visitors... giggle. Tonight is the Emmy's, if there is anyone out there that wanted to try to win the BIG MONEY PRIZE and SUPER SECRET BONUS PRIZE.. you better click here and answer. Because there will be NO late entries for all you cheaters that think you can post after the show is over. Tsk Tsk!! If there is a tie, there will be a jello-wrestling match to decide the winner! YEAHHHHHH!!!!

The link is HEEEERRREEE!!!

Because you UGLEE.. uh-huh you UGLEE..

OK, so I pulled up this other blog and this was the image at the top of the post. And I thought to myself, "What a strange looking man." But I just assumed it was a man, with long hair pulled back. Eew. Do you know who it is??? Well, you do if you've already seen this photo. But be sure to guess before clicking HERE!!!

Old Friends, Tea, Prisons and a Purple Bonnie :)

I really had a very nice week. Sadly, Monkey started 2nd Grade on Monday. But that's always exciting, he looks forward to seeing his other friends. He already told me that he likes his new teacher.
"Do you want to know why?"
"Yes, why do you like her so much?"
"Because she only has 1 rule."
"Oh, and what's that?"
"We have to be happy.. and happy with each other."
That was so cute. His teacher last year was much older and I think a bit burned out. Very quiet and he just wasn't very enthused at all through the year. If I had any questions at all, I always felt she was a bit annoyed dealing with me. He already thinks his new teacher is the greatest... so that's a good thing. She does seem very nice.

Wednesday, my Mother decided to have an English tea party for a friend visiting from Taiwan. Which is funny, she's such a goof. She gets all stressed out and tries to fancy up her little townhome. Turns on the 'English' to 100% and it's just funny. But, it was a lot of fun.. and she's so cute. And it was so great to see LC again. She has to be the sweetest lady ever. She is a teacher in Taiwan, students between the ages 6-12 or in that area. She's just one of those people you love being around, they're so positive. But I was shocked that she's 53! Pfft!! I would never have guessed that. She gave me a beautiful bracelet that she made, and I was so happy! And I gave her.. some of the things I make :) And she loved them. Here they are playing up the whole 'pinky' thing.



This is my Mother, and Step-Father.



Wednesday night I got to go out to dinner with my beautiful buddy Chalice. It was so great to see her! We went from seeing each other DAILY for YEARS.. to hardly EVER! Wretched husbands and kids keeping us busy! Let's sell them! So we had a girl's night out, and were rotten to our waiter. To the point that we had him trained to apologize when he arrived at the table, and when he left ;) It was so funny. But wow, all the information SHE had. Sheesh. I am such a craptastic friend... SO behind on what's what!! XOXOChaliceXOXOX Cheer up little buddy! And thank you so much for going out with me! I hope it was a fun late birthday evening :) I know I had fun!!

My Sister was planning to take LC to the casinos on Thursday, so I had to butt in :) She only planned it because she didn't know what else to do... pfft. I know she wanted to visit some book stores in the area, and we have an outlet in Leavenworth, Kansas which is a LOT of fun to visit! Books, books and more books. Shelves are 2 deep... piled on the floors... everywhere. You really have to spend a lot of time there. We found some children's books which had tapes with them, she loved that because the students prefer to listen to the stories being read in English. And some other puppet books and things. She wants a Barney puppet and some other stuff, so we're going to ship them later. But BOY, did it take FOREVER for me to understand BARNEY :) She said purple bunny, Bonnie. And I'm all about the bunny puppet.. and she's trying to be nice and not hurt my feelings about the bunny, but to also get me to understand BONNIE.. you know BONNIE? And I'm thinking 'bonnie lass' type of thing, perhaps a story. I was lost. FINALLY she said dinosaur, and it hit me. I sang the song for her.. "I love you... you love me..." and she got all bright eyed. "YESSSSS BONNIE!!!" We were laughing so hard. Mumsie and M finally caught on :) Of course, during this conversation, I'm telling her.. "I have a bunny! Bunny.. bunny rabbit." Ugh. No wonder she was looking at me like, "Your point? Stupid English speaking person?!" ..snicker... No, she was very sweet about it all. Those language barriers can be so tricky!!

So we had lunch at an old restaurant in Weston, MO. Bowman's Keeping Room. My brother and Step-Father met us there.. it was very nice to be with the family.



We also stopped by a very old Catholic church while we were there. It was established in 1842. This newer building was erected in 1912 or so. It was beautiful. I'm not Catholic, but I always felt as though I was missing out on something. They have some of the most beautiful and ornate churches. And I have always wanted to go into a confessional! We didn't see one there.. my sister thought it was time :) And the Holy Water.. it was on the wall.. I never know what you're supposed to do with it. But, I felt that God wouldn't mind me lighting a candle in the memory of my Aunt. My mother lit one also, and so LC came up.. "Teach me." She's so cute ;) So she paid too, and lit a candle. I apologize to all Catholics if we did it all wrong. But, we had good intentions.. and that has to count for something.



Then we basically cruised around. While in Leavenworth, we showed LC the prison there. I get scared just cruising by it, it just seems so creepy and evil.



She was impressed with our large machinery.. as was I :) And as we were leaving Weston, we noticed a little garage sale. "What is that?"... so Mumsie had to break her in :) She bought a Garfield book for her students, then made me write a story inside about where it came from... so funny.



But alas, we had to take her back to her sister. Booooo. And she goes back to Taiwan on Sunday. But I'm so happy we got to spend 2 days with her. She usually comes to town, and then vacations with her sister. So now I'm off to get postcards.. she said her students LoVE postcards from other countries, and from other children. Monkey is excited about having pen-pals :)

Emmy's Challenge

For fun, I sent my family members and some of my friends a copy of the Emmy's scorecard. You can view it HERE. And told them to fill them out and send them back. The person with the most correct choices.. will win TWO dollars!!! Yes. I know. I'm just too much.

So, I'm offering a separate online challenge. If you want to post your winning choices in the comments, the person that is closest I will send you $2.00 cash in the mail. I will! Because I think it would be funny. And maybe a surprise bonus of the things that I create for a living. Don't worry, they're not toxic. That is, if you want to email your address. I'm not a stalker. Really. If not, well then I'll have to post a picture of your $2 and will then give it to the Monkey to spend at the Dollar Store in your honor :)

Anyway, follow THE LINK to the sheet with the categories and nominees. And post your answers!! If this is fun, maybe I'll offer a whole $3 for the Oscars!! AAAhhahaha! Oh, and I don't know 1/2 of the shows either. Who cares.. just guess :)

Emmy's are this Sunday, August 27th.

Me venting. Don't bother. My own personal rant to remember why I'm pissed.

Where exactly does it all go wrong in life? When do people lose track of the basic kindness rules in life? And why do family members feel they can treat you worse than they would a friend or associate, just because they're related to you? I know I'm not perfect, but I really do try to at least be nice to other people. Contrary to my ex-friend neighbor that has done nothing but instill self-doubt in me for the last month, I try very hard to be a basically kind person.

I'm sure in 30 minutes I'll be over it. A simple conversation with my Mum, and I already feel better. But FUCK my Dad for being an asshole all my life. For being inconsiderate of other people's feelings and for basically being a heartless jerk. I know under all that hate, there is a person that would be there for me if I needed him. But he's still an asshole. I have to love him because he is my Dad, but 95% of the time I don't like him. When my Aunt and Nana in Switzerland died, I didn't ask for any personal items. I felt that since my Father was there, he should either keep it all as it was his, or he should divide out what he felt was right. But that didn't stop my two greedy selfish sisters from booking over there and taking everything they wanted. She was an artist, and had so much hand painted work.. they took it all. They hated my Aunt, and to this day say nothing but hateful things about her. But she meant so much to me, and we were so close when I lived with her. She would even tell people I was her daughter. She was an amazingly smart and strong woman. An instructor at the University of Zurich. I think of her all the time. Since my sisters took basically everything, I insisted on getting a ring which she bought while we were in Greece, and another with a red ruby in it which she wore every day. To me, they reminded me of her the most. Today my Father and I had the discussion of heirlooms, and how my Mother is concerned that my sister's are going to the UK in order to start taking things which belong to my sick wee-Nana in London. She is always offering things to my Mother when she visits, but she doesn't want to take her personal items! That's so creepy, to just take things which you're going to inherit.. because you want them NOW. And her concern is legitimate, I know they will do it. But my Dad started going on and on in one of his tirades on how she doesn't need more 'shit' and 'who cares about all that old stuff' and it isn't 'worth' anything anyway. I explained he's missing the point, it's an heirloom. It reminds you of family, and it's things which have been passed down. Who cares what it's worth, to you it's priceless. He didn't get it. So I reminded him about the large set of china he kept which my Aunt created. She designed it, and hand painted it over many years. It was gorgeous, and he wouldn't let my sister's have it because he wanted to keep it. "Oh, that doesn't mean anything to me. I wanted it for the restaurant to display. It's in a box somewhere." I just felt sick. I thought all these years that he appreciated it because his sister painted it.
"I'm going to sell it"
"You can't. It's not yours to sell, that belongs to the family.. Dad!"
"Fuck that. I actually already sold it."
"No you didn't."
"Yes I did. I sold it to a collector from St.Louis when I sold the restaurant."
"No, you wouldn't do that."
"Yes, I would. I got $8K for it. Your Aunt would prefer that I get money for it than for it to sit on a shelf somewhere."
"You're not being serious."
"I am. I don't care about any of it."
I told him I wasn't up to his being spiteful today, and hung up. Because I'm not. So I cried. Because I can't believe he would part with something so amazing. And so personal. But even if he didn't, I'm still hurt that he could be so mean and to say he did.

And screw my neighbor, too, while I'm at it. For coming into my life, inviting yourself into my home whenever it was convenient for you. For taking advantage of my 'open door' (literally) policy of being able to come and go whenever you wanted to. And then turning on me telling me how you need to spend less time around my family because basically I'm a bad parent and my son is a jerk. Oh, but wait, you took THAT part back and changed it to me just being venomous and evil. Who asked you to come down all the time? I'm tired of rude opinionated people that feel they can just express THEIR feelings on you about how you're a bad person, and you should take it and move on. But when you don't, then you need therapy. You might be used to being able to talk down to everyone in your family and they cower in your omnipotent greatness, but you do not talk to me that way. Screw you. And screw all of the other negative people that might be headed to my front door. I have a new ZERO TOLERANCE policy. Oh, and by the way, I'm even MORE pissed. While Mr.NV was in Vegas, Monkey and I had THIS great conversation.

"Momma, do you remember that bruise on my leg?"
I remembered, because when he has a bruise.. he has an entire battle to tell me about as to how he got it. When I asked him about the one on his calf and how he got it, "I don't know". And I thought that was odd.
"Yes, I remember."
"Do you want to know how I got it?"
"You remember now?"
"I didn't forget. C (omnipotent neighbor's husband) kicked me."
"WHAT?!"
"I didn't tell you because I thought I would get into trouble."
And I remember the night it happened. Clearly. For starters, how do you express to your child ENOUGH that when an adult hurts you, they tell you?! I realize this isn't call 911 stuff, but where will his little mind draw the line?? One evening after their family came over, the 2 kids and Mom had already walked up the hill. C was playing, rough I might add, in the front yard with Monkey. I was always concerned, because he would pick Monkey up and swing him around. I would cringe when they would get near the brick pillars. So, after he put him down Monkey chased him towards the far corner of our lot. I guess at that point Monkey kicked him in the leg. OK, I understand, don't kick. But you tell the child, "Don't kick!" How hard can a 7 year old kick an adult anyway? This guy is like 6'2, a big man. So Monkey laughed and ran towards the other corner of our lot, and he chased him. Monkey stopped exhausted, they had been roughing around for a while, and then he started running again because C wasn't stopping. He tackled him behind the tree on our front lawn, and because it was dark I couldn't tell what was going on. It just looked like he sort of grabbed him and tackled him to the grass. But I do remember Monkey was very quiet after that, and came and sat next to me on the front step. And I remember C saying, "Don't like that so much, do ya?" .. but it never sank in. I thought Monkey was just tired. But, as it turns out, he kicked Monkey in the leg. And that bruise was there about a week. And now that I know what actually happened, I'm even more pissed. And I know Monkey isn't lying, he was upset when he told me because he knew I would be mad at him for kicking C. But never in this lifetime could I fathom chasing down a child and KICKING THEM BACK??? That must be one of those 'real life consequences' she was talking about??!! And he is that type of person. The same person that I had to tell repeatedly to stop hitting my dog. He was sniffing on my kitchen counters, and he would smack him in the head. And something else he was doing in my office, and he hit him again. Who goes into someone else's house and hits their dog??

So I'm mad. I'm mad that my Father really is shallow and materialistic. And I'm mad that I am still upset about the nasty things that my neighbor said to me. She really got under my skin. I hate people that feel they know more than everyone else, and that it's their job to point out all of your faults. And I'm usually really good about spotting those types of people, and I avoid them. But she managed to wiggle her way into my space, and so I'm pissed for letting my guard down.

And I'm mad that my sister M is complaining that tomorrow and Thursday she has to 'babysit' a completely charming and sweet lady from Taiwan. She's pissed about having to take her shopping.. when that is all she does anyway? And I know that to her face she's going to be all nice and sweet, but behind her back she's just pissed and put-out. And she has NOTHING else to do with her life. Her 6-figure income alcoholic leech off the system husband that is only ever home 4 days out of the month won't be home. She has no job. She's probably just mad that she'll miss some QVC special. And why do they have to go shopping? There are some amazing small towns around this area... she could just take her on a tour of everything. But of course, everyone thinks M is sweet and adorable. Because she puts on a great show.

Screw sneaky people. I'm fucking tired of all of them. I am who I am, and if you don't like it then you need to turn around and walk the other direction as quickly as possible. Faster, even. Because I am SO not in the mood anymore.

It's tough being a spaz!

So we picked up MoNkEY yesterday from his 1st day of 2nd Grade. ..sigh.. And we had to run a few errands. He loves the car wash, and we came across one of those really long ones, so we went through. The guy confirmed what we wanted, then started with the pre-wash hose thingy on the windows. After he crossed in front of our van, I thought, "Hey! Am I not supposed to be in neutral??" so I quickly shoved the stick into neutral. And instantly we started booking into the car wash... "Wow! This is a fast car wash?!?!" and then it dawned on me I had it in drive. Idiot. And as I glanced in the rear view mirror, there was the guy standing there with his power hose sort of dumbfounded....

So I put it in reverse, and tried not to run him over or destroy the whole carwash. "Sorry! I meant to put it in neutral!!" And my husband was laughing at me. I tell you. Sometimes I really make it hard for people to take me seriously :)

A Pit Bull by any other name... is still a Pit Bull

I just don't understand why people are so determined to own a breed of dog that wants to eat them? And, of course, today another lady has been reported eaten by her dog. And I'm sure there will be a lot of people out there saying it's not like the breed at all... Nhooooo. "My dog is perfect". But this time it's a Spanish breed, a Presa Canario. Which is basically the Spanish version of Pit Bull. Don't get me wrong, I love dogs and animals. And I'm sure there are the random pet owners out there that have great Pit Bull pets. Great for now. Until, like in the story linked above, your dog decides he doesn't want a bath... and you lose.

I used to own a Great Dane, and he was the best dog ever. My father wanted him as a guard dog, and he was great. He was so patient with my friends and I, and never snapped at us. He looked scary enough, but how often are people eaten by Great Danes? Even a St. Bernard is a great dog, regardless of the movie Cujo. And I don't mind German Shepherds... but why does anyone need a Pit Bull? Or a Rottweiler? Other than to get off on the fact that they are 'tough' and can be trained to kill? Wow, or do they even need to be trained? So I guess people are now going to be buying these Presa Crazydogs to get around the new laws popping up about owning a Pit Bull. Where there is a will.. there is a way. I don't mind that the owners are eaten, but I feel for the neighbors and innocent kids in the area.

This is a photo of a Pit Bull. The only difference to me is that the Presa is larger. They had one listed at 130lbs.

**PS**
OK, after posting this I was closing the other site.. and noticed this picture. This totally sums up the type of people that buy these dogs for me. I mean really. How often do you see a cute fuzzy Pom posing with a model like this? The dog is between her legs in every photo, and there are 7 different photos. Sheesh. Oh, OK, wait! And another model with the dog :) Aaaahahaha...

**UPDATE**
OK, so there is video on a FL news website. I feel really bad, because her 2 young daughters were home, and one witnessed the attack. How tragic. But that the lady had in the past expressed concern with the dogs aggressive behavior.. but hoped he would grow out of it? Oh, and she had 2 of them, and it says she paid $10K for each of them. Because she wanted a 'guard dog' for security. Any dog that loves you and that you treat well will make a great guard dog. My yellow lab will eat you if you don't belong in my home. Seriously. I just can't imagine how much good giving $10K to an animal shelter would do, and take home a few homeless dogs?? Seriously now? I could buy a car with that kind of cash! You can watch the video here, there are 2 different ones.

We're baaaaaaaaaack..

So we finally got to eek out a little vacation. I can't believe we waited until the last minute, we're such slackers. We decided to hit our favorite drive-thru safari park, because it's not too far and the MoNKeY loves feeding the beasties. This particular beast wanted to climb into our van. MoNKeY had all of his food on the seat, and a few of the llamas tugged it out onto the road. It was funny. But now my van feels violated, buffalo slobber everywhere. We had to wash it when we left, my mirrors and windows were all covered in cattle tongue goo. Ech. We spent the night at a nice old hotel in Springfield, established in 1936. They had some really great photos and antiques all over the place. However, there were some very creepy people at the pool outside.. which was open all night. There was another family there, and then this group of 4. The lady got out of the pool, and I'm guessing she forgot her swimmies, because she was wearing a white tank with her bra under it and some thong underwear. Which is fine, if you SHOULD be wearing thong underwear. So the 2 men in the pool with her were trying to drown her, literally. She even came up once gasping for air.. "I can't breath!!" and they promptly shoved her back under. They finally let her up, and she said it was great that her husband was trying to drown her... and her son was helping. Eeew. So it was the Mom and Dad, and their son who was like 20-something and his wench. And he was ALL over her at the pool, in front of Ma-n-Pa. Biting at her privates.. and other stuff I didn't quite catch because I felt I might go blind. But the creepiest?? They all went into the same hotel room. I'll let you imagine how the rest of the night transpired... because I prefer not to.

So the next day we headed to Branson, MO. Yes, the Las Vegas for Ned Flander's types. No, we didn't see any shows. No offense, but I can't stand country music. I'm intrigued by Shania Twain, but only because she looks different every time I see her.. I'm determined it's actually a group of triplets that perform at different times. And she lives in Switzerland, and I'm a Swiss citizen, so that should make us kindred spirits or something :) But anyway, Branson is still a great place to visit with kids. There is SO much to do! We stayed at a huge hotel which had an indoor and outdoor waterpark, the MonKeY loved that! And to cut this yawn short, we drove the 'ducks' which are military vehicles which drive from land into the water... Tablerock Lake. Monkey got to drive while it was on the water, it was fun. We went into a HuGe helium balloon which took us 500 feet into the air, and I almost passed out. Literally. I don't do well in open spaces.. and all day Mr.NV was telling me that if the steel cable were to break we would keep rising into the atmosphere and we would die due to lack of oxygen. And of course, I was also afraid of EXPLODING or the floor just breaking and falling to my death. But, we survived. Monkey loved that, too!

And then there were many go-carts, it was MonkeYs first time to drive one alone! And many water slides. He met this cute little boy, and we had to pay for an extra hour just so they could play. I think his mother worked there. And of course, on the way back home we hit the Fantastic Caverns in Springfield, MO. I'm sure I'm forgetting a lot, but I have work to do now! BOOOO!!!

If your claustrophobic, Fantastic Caverns is NOT the place for you. Some of the areas we drove through, you had to bend way over in the trailer so that you didn't ... well... die :) And the exit had very low clearance. But it was fun. Oh, and you can see below that I have not yet taught Monkey how to eat grilled chicken :) His proper little English Nana would be so shocked :)

After the first night in Branson, he crashed in the hotel room. He had to bring his own pillow, but I don't think he cared at this point. Aren't they sweet when they're SLEEPING!!!!???

Happy Birthday Chalice :)

Happy Birthday Little Buddy!! Just remember, you're still not as old as I am... does that help??!! I hope you have a great Birthday! But be sure to relax and enjoy the day. You might want to shave girl, sheesh! Didn't you know someone had a camera?!?! Mr. NV and Monkey Boy wish you a Happy Birthday, too!!

Everyone be sure to wish Chalice a Happy Birthday.. and send her a cyber spanking!! Woo-hoo!! She's into that. But I didn't tell you that! XOXO

F**#$*cking F*&%)$&%ers!!

I am so pissed! I am SO tired of assholes making up their own driving rules, I swear I'm going to scream! OK, not usually, but there is ONE case where I get all hopping mad. We have a highway near our home, they created an on-ramp to the main road near our home. The on-ramp, turning North onto our main road, was really very wide. I emailed the city letting them know that it was an accident in the works. 95% of the people that took the exit, realized it was a 1 lane turn going left. As wonderful as it would be during rush hour to have 2 lanes turning left, and even though it's feasible, it was technically a 1 lane turn. However, there was always that 5% that completely ignored the other 40 cars lined up waiting to turn, and they would cruise right up to the front next to the 1st car. Fine. Some people are just assholes. They have to live with themselves. So when I contacted the state highway people, they sent out men with their paints and corrected the problem.. CLEARLY marking it as a ONE lane turn. My husband even teases me, "Hey, look! We're on Lorraine Lane!!" And since then I haven't had to watch to my right for those 5%. UNTIL TODAY. They must have let an asshole off work early. And what a bad day for him to be an asshole, because my van was filled with giant bags of packing peanuts, bubble wrap and other packing supplies. I couldn't see to my right. But he's DAMN lucky that I did peer around, since I was nervous because of all of the packaging materials.. and THERE HE WAS! I almost rammed him into the concrete walls of the bridge. But I am formally making this notice NOW, that the next asshole that cuts me off by creating his own turning lane, I am going to hit him so hard his great great grandkids' cars will feel it. And I'm not kidding. I'm old, and have a great driving record. My insurance guy can kiss my multi-car, house, health and life insurance ASS! Cuz it's time for me to set an example for those other 5%!

They thought I wouldn't notice!

So the Monkey turned on a movie for me today.. 'Beethoven's 2nd'. It's that one where Charles Groden plays the father and they have St.Bernard's? I guess this is the sequel, there are lots of puppies. So the family was packing up to go on vacation and I glanced up from my desk.. to see a familiar face. Took me a moment, but I remembered it was Bonnie Hunt. And I realized, she's like into polygamy. Because isn't she also married to Steve Martin.. and has 12 kids with him? In this movie it looks like she has 3, so that would make 15. How does she do that without the other husband finding out? So, in 'Cheaper by the Dozen' when she was on a 'book tour'.. she was actually with her 2nd family raising St.Bernards? Wow. That's just wrong. It's not the high divorce rate confusing our children... or even video games... it's Hollywood and all these polygamous families!

OK, now the dog is staring at the moon and thinking about how he's away from the one he loves... some other St.Bernard. C'mon now. This is just too silly for words. I have dogs. The only things they think about are food, chew toys, food and chasing squirrels. And food.

Dream Log.

Lastnight I had the most vivid dreams. My neighbor, next door, was selling her house. However, the people that live next to me are an older retired couple. In my dream, it was a younger couple and they had a huge round lake in front of their house. When I came home and noticed the sign, it was actually in my front yard. And I was confused, "I'm selling my house??". But in looking at it closer, it was actually the neighbors. So I took it over to her, and she offered to give me a tour. It was like a fun-house! I loved it! There were hallways, not straight.. but curved. Up and down, or side to side. But huge, and all real wood with beautiful grain patterns on the walls and floors. Different types of wood cut and mixed together in different patterns. The bedroom had a huge round bed, which would spin. And I don't mean rotate slowly.. I mean spin like a merry-go-round at a children's park. FASSSSTTTT!! It was great! There were many other rooms, the house was actually huge. I loved the living room, it had giant furniture. I mean giant, as in GIANTs could use it. The single chair in the corner with ottoman, it could have seated 10 people! When we went outside, we were talking about the small lake (not quite pond). It was round, and there was a long walkway which went to the middle, and at the end there was a round platform. She pushed a button.. and it blew my mind! Out of the water, about 20 separate sections of track started pushing up to the sky on big thick support beams. Once at full extension, they all snapped together and formed a massive roller coaster. I was completely dumbfounded. Then in the middle, a huge Octopus ride emerged. There was water dripping and spraying everywhere. Once it all settled, there had formed a huge amusement park before my very eyes... all of it had been submerged in the water!!
"I didn't know you had THIS?!?"
"Yeah. We never use it. It needs some repairs."
We walked out to the center, where the Octopus ride was.
"Does it work?"
"I don't think so.. but let me check."
As the arms started spinning around, incredibly fast I might add, one of the cars came loose and went flying across the sky.. out of sight. We both laughed... it really was very funny. But I guess dangerous now that I think on it... where was it going to land? And some kids in the neighborhood started riding their bikes around the roller coaster track. It had many waves and curves and they were riding trick bikes. It was pretty fun. But now that I think on it, the roller coaster didn't have a car on it... just tracks.

So. If anyone is in the market for a new fun-house? Let me know :) Oh, and for some reason Napoleon Dynamite was there. He was following us around, not saying anything at all. If we would stop and turn to talk to him, he would dash off and hide. Very odd. Oh, and if an Octopus car lands at your house and smashes your mailbox... it wasn't me!

I used to love that dress :)

I have misplaced many of my childhood photos, since our move. I know I put them someplace 'safe'... ugh. You know, that's stupid when you're old like me.. because safe=super secret=I have alzheimers=WHERE IS IT?? I'm fortunate that I even remember that they existed :) But I came across this one, and a few others. I loved this dress, the little panda on the front. I thought Ffleur might appreciate it :) My favorite is the class photo where I'm wearing a striped turtleneck under a floral dress. My mother was always the image of class and beauty.. I think she hated me :) Tip for parents, if you have a chubby little girl.. don't allow her to go to school dressed like a total dork. DOES NOT HELP!

Heeere Kitty Kitty..

Sometimes I like to click on the 'next blog' button at the top of the screen, just to see what I find. Usually it's crap, but this time I came across a beautiful photography blog. He posted some amazing photos of a white tiger, so I thought I would share. You should check out his page dedicated to White Tigers. And this is his blog.

Do you think he would eat my bunny? Surely not? After all, he is only a wee bunny. Or was it shortass runty bunny?

Naughty Blogy Uploadery Thingy

Because I couldn't get flippin' blogger to upload them, I forgot to add the other photos of our night out at the hotel. They had so much fun jumping from bed to bed. I'm already being quizzed on when we're going back.

Lunch with a cheating gentleman..

Or is that possible? Can you be a gentleman AND cheat? Perhaps not. Monkey and I went out for lunch today, MR.NV was out late and in a coma. No, not out late partying with hookers.. out late with his nerd friends doing nerd things I refuse to even explain.. or you'll fall asleep.

We went to Applebee's for lunch, Monkey insisted saying, "We haven't been there for a long time!". Can't have that. He enjoyed the Teriyaki Steak 'n Shrimp Skewers. It was on the Weight Watcher's menu, but perfect bite sizes and he loved it. I had the Roasted Garlic and Asiago Chicken. The first plate they served, the waitress dropped and it smashed all over the floor. ..sigh.. While we were waiting, we played that dots game? Where you connect all of the dots and create squares? Who knows the technical name. Dots?? Squares?? Dotted Squares??! He kept filling in boxes that weren't his! Such a scam artist.

The Monkey pretending he's not cheating:


While eating, he decided to glance through the alcohol menu and wanted what looked like a chocolate malt. See, I'm not such a bad mom, I told him no alcohol until we get home!! Then he stole my garlic toast and scarfed it down.. evidence shown all over his face. The fool. He was rolling his eyes at me when I took the photo, in complete denial.

Robotic Mule - ROBORAMA.info

This is the coolest thing! They even kick it, and it can stabilize! Why can't I create things like this??

Happy Birthday Softball Slut!!!

Toesies??

While taking my break today, I was browsing photos.. and came across this one. Can anyone guess to which celebrity THESE toes belong? Seriously. I'd wear closed toe shoes. I think those 2 are trying to escape! Sort of reminds me of the hermit crabs I used to play with as a child. They would slowly poke out of the shell... their little crusty legs reaching out so they could run away!

I'll post the full picture if anyone guesses it :) She is also wearing a blue dress.. with a stain on it! Do you think it was Monica's? But if nobody guesses, then I will never post it and you will all suffer :)


**** Update ****
You guys are hilarious. But amyblue got it right!! And if you want to see more, you can click here. You'll see a lot more... are you sure you're ready and can handle it??? :) I don't think I was fully prepared :) Be sure to look for the stain... eeeeeeeeeeew!