So now I find that I'm second-guessing what type of parent I am. And I'm more pissed about that, than the whole insulting my child email. You grow up with certain types of parents, usually not the best, and you tell yourself that the things they did wrong are things you will definitely not do when you grow up. And of course you grow up and think, "I'm not such a bad person, did my parents actually do a better job than I thought?". But they didn't. I like to think Monkey Boy is already the type of person he will be when he grows up. He is crazy, and silly. He likes to sing, and is very creative. He draws beautiful pictures, and creates some great things with Lego. He is compassionate with our animals, he loves them and helps me take care of them. He plays ball with his new dog Roscoe and they both run rampant in the back yard. When we went to the shelter, he actually got upset because there was an older dog there with a very hoarse bark. He cried. When I could finally get him to explain, "I want to adopt that dog... he's sick and they'll put him to sleep if we don't!" When in school, he does great. They have a daily color system in the school, each day he comes home with a color which indicates the type of day he has had. Green being the best, then there are 3 other colors ... blue, yellow and red. For the whole last school year (1st grade) he only had 2 days of blue, and the rest were green. And I remember those 2 days, because when he gets off the bus he cries.. because he knows he did something bad. And usually, when we would get him to explain what happened, it was just some silly talking in class issue where a friend asked about an eraser or pencil. He's so shy, he never talks over the teacher, or tries to explain what happened. But how bad can he be if he does so well at school? All of the reports and teachers meetings.. they all came back great. The teacher really liked him, and said he was a great kid.
Beta sent me a personal email, I've known her since middle school. She mentioned that she noticed I didn't reprimand him in front of others, but didn't realize I had an issue with doing it. Versus the neighbor, who will reprimand her kids and husband no matter who is around. And I don't mean 'stop it' kind of stuff...I'll do that, but serious heated discussion kind of stuff. In growing up, I didn't have the best parents.. but I love them now. My Father was very verbally abusive. He lost his father when he was 6, and then grew up during the war... moving from France to Switzerland and bascially had to grow up very quickly. His parenting abilities were a bit screwed up. He would yell at me in front of many people (we had a restaurant) calling me everything from fat and lazy, to stupid. And those were the nice things. And he was so explosive about it. I can still remember how I felt to this day, and I cried a lot. And I always hated that sympathetic look people would give me, because I knew they knew my Dad was being an ass... and that made it even worse. And so it's just something I feel strong about. I never yell at Monkey in front of other people. I will tell him to stop doing something, and I will explain why he should. And I will yell if I have to, when there aren't people around. I do have my limits :) But now I'm angry that others... others that feel public discipline is necessary... might find this as a weakness. It's not. It's me. It's how I operate, and who I am. And I don't like to create a scene when it comes to disciplining my child. I don't think it's necessary, and I think it's rude to force the people around you to watch.
So now I'm pissed and insecure. I have asked my Mother what she thinks of Monkey. My step-father. My brother, and my sister. They don't understand what I'm going on about, they think I'm strange now :) I've posted my previous comment hoping that maybe I can feel better about the type of parent I am.. but I know most of you really can't be the judge. And I'm basically upset. And I'm not going to get past it. As many of you have mentioned, my neighbor has said some stuff that she isn't going to be able to take back. And if we worked it out, I would forever be apprehensive around her. There wouldn't be a comfort level again that we had before, because now I feel that it was all false to start with.
I guess had it been some stranger that came up to me and said, "Your child has no respect for others. His attitude stinks. He is selfish!".. I wouldn't have cared. But since it was a supposedly great friend, that I hung out with all the time.. it's just hurtful and cruel. Day 3? And I'm not getting past it. I'm working hard just trying not to dwell on it.
