Why I am pathetic

I had a Jay moment today. Monkey and I had to run an errand, and Monkey says, "Awwwwe, look, puppies." I glanced over and there was a lady in a red SUV with the back hatch open, and sure enough there was a black cage filled with black/tan puppies. But then as I soaked in the rest of the scene, I realized the men standing around her had white aprons and chef jackets on. And as I glanced at the building, it was a Chinese restaurant. WHUUUUUUUUUUUUT?!?!?!

Of all the times to forget my freakin' camera. Monkey and I giggled all the way home :)

Dhayuling Tea?

I received a really cool package from my friend in Taiwan. She's the bomb, it was like Christmas ;) But she included a tin of Dhayuling (Dha-Yu-Ling) tea. Does anyone know how to prepare it??? I tried researching on the net, but I could only find photos of the tea leaves unrolled. Hmmmph.

Bought a neat purse today. My sister was all gangbusters all week about my mother and I going with her to the house of some purse peddler. Meh. She bought some ugly gaudy thing which looked more like something a gay cowboy clown would wear. Which, you know, that's OK if you're a gay cowboy clown. But seriously, I don't want to borrow your purse. It reminds me of that children's story 'The Emperor's New Clothes'. Everyone tells you it looks mahhhhhhhvelous, but seriously.. that purse is UGLY! Or I just don't understand fashion. Most likely it. It's pink with a huuuuuge buckle with rhinestones everywhere. I think it's supposed to look like those Kathy van Zeeland purses, which I know nothing about. Well, knew nothing about until today. Anyway... I bought a really pretty black one. It has a unique oblong shape and the leather is really soft. It's a fake Gucci and only cost $28.. so I'm not going to complain.

Tech Toy Obsession

I'm like a spoiled child. I lhooove this camera and want it. I read some literature on it recently, and it is the bomb. Seriously. Even Monkey proof. And I love Olympus cameras. I don't need it.. but want it. I need to get to work and sell something by the end of the week, because I'm obsessing. And wouldn't you know, no birthday coming up anytime soon. That's just crap. Lemme seeeeeee.... new tires for van OR way cool awesome camera that will make me VERY happy! It's a tough one :) Trying to be responsible REALLY sucks and I'd rather not.

Window Washer Monkey

Tagged for MeMeezzz..

I'm not feeling super creative, and I've been tagged for another MeMe. So, I'll get them both out of the way. MeMe's scare me, because depending on my mood they can come across as witty and intelligent answers, or bitchy and pathetic. I'll do my best to be bitchy and intelligent.. perhaps :)

The first would be THIS meme from Beckie. I won't tag anyone, because you won't do it then I'll cry :) But if you would like to do it just because.. please feel free!

Four things that should go into room 101 and be removed from the face of the earth:

1: Racists

2: The jackass up the street that keeps shooting my squirrels.

3: That plastic packaging they use on everything that requires scissors to open. And once you do cut it open, it's as sharp as a razor and you have to be careful not to die! But it's so stiff, even though it's cut open, it's still incredibly hard to get into.
4: Barbara Streisand

Three things people do that make you want to shake them violently.

1: Say Missour-uh instead of Missouri-eeeee (Missouri, which is where I live. Funny thing in typing that out, I forgot what it looks like since I always use MO :))

2: Call me stupid

3: Only come around or call when they want something or to ask a favor.

Two things you find yourself moaning about. (only TWO?!)

1: My brother and what a selfish self-centered user jackass he is.

2: My husband is out of town too much.

One thing the above answers tell you about yourself.

I don't like my brother anymore?

And the other meme would be the 8 things about yourself. I think I was actually tagged twice, I think Chal once and maybe SBS the other time. But I have ignored it forever because I just haven't been in a good mood? But, here it goes;

Fact 1: I was born in Scotland, and moved to Texas at about 4 weeks of age. I became an American citizen at the age of 16, but still retain Swiss citizenship. My son is the first natural born American in my family :)

Fact 2: I lived in Russikon, Switzerland when I was 16. I lived there for 6 months, and missed half of my Junior year of HS. I went to Oekos Schule in Zurich to learn German, and it was crazy. Especially when I had to learn French... in German. Holy cow. I started the day after I arrived. I've also been to France, Germany, Italy (crossing the border here and there) and Greece. I had to take buses and trains to school every day, and it was the BEST. I almost stayed there and went to a private school.. I'm glad I didn't or I would never have met MrNV or have Monkey.

Fact 3: I met MrNV in 1986 and we have been together ever since. I was a virgin when we met, and that was by choice... not cuz I was a super hideous troll. Only a kinda hideous troll :)

Fact 4: I have 3 siblings, and only like 1 of them. Oldest being my brother, I only recently wrote him off. Second oldest, she's alright. A little too uppity for me, but a genuinely sweet person and although I get mad at her sometimes, she's pretty amazing. The other sister is just evil and sent out a 7 page letter to everyone in the family (same letter to all of us) telling each of us why we're assholes. My father won't speak to her anymore. I barely do, only if I have to... which would be maybe twice in the last 2 years. None of them have children, thank God.

Fact 5: I used to feel guilty that Monkey is an only child. It took us 10 years to have him, and we were shocked and amazed when we found out we were having a baby. But for myself and MrNV, the only people that have seriously screwed with us during our lives have been our own siblings... so hopefully we've done the right thing.

Fact 6: My mother slept with the mailman. Lame , I know. I found calendars and journals hidden inside the lining of our couch when I was 15. I think I'm still fucked up from that, but I don't talk about it. Or I joke about it. But if I really think about it, it seriously upsets me. They were married 27 years.. and the mailman wasn't the only one mentioned.. in great physical detail.. in her journals.

Fact 7: I have a scar on my face from my father hitting me causing me to get stitches. I once went to school and it hurt to sit down because I had bruises all over my back and around my neck. But when I reflect on my childhood the best memories I have were with my dad. And the only one that tried to generate fun ... was my dad. I think sometimes if my mother had been a better person, that my father wouldn't have reached those points of frustration and taken it out on us. I want my father to move in with us because he cried so much and went through a horrible depression after my mother left, and I was the only one living at home to help him. I think it's unfair that he's alone, and she isn't. And I would put her into a nursing home tomorrow if I had to. Go figure. You can grow up and you can stop talking about it and you can forgive, but you don't really let it go.

Fact 8: I'm actually a happy person. And I knew this meme was going to go bad, but those are the 8 things about me which I don't feel are obvious by reading my blog. And it felt good to get it out. I feel like I've written one of those anonymous postcards to THIS site. Which I want to do, just need to think about what ;)

The Ugly, The Gross and The Naughty Neighbor

The Ugly:

Hasenfeffer took a bath today. I think since he mated with that little hoochie Rex, he's starting to emit boy odors now? He's a tad more smelly than usual. Might have to get him fixed. ..sigh.. But it's so funny when he's wet. He looks 90 pounds when dry, and about 1 pound when wet :) I just know if I were to walk into the pet store now and see him in the little bunny pen.. I'd hit him with a stick :) BWAHAHAH! BTW, the Rex hoochie is due to have bunnies soon. I'll be sure to post photos! Well, once they cute and no longer look like fat maggots. Anyone need a bunya?? :) I'm curious to know what a Lionhead / Rex mix will look like. The Rex bunnies have a super super soft fur. Lionheads are supposed to have the huge mane... Hasen is a bit of a slacker :)

The Gross:

I think we're winning the battle with that vile wart on Monkey's hand. Last night it started to come loose, hence all of the blood. It's grotesque. If it doesn't fall off by Tuesday we're going to the doctor. I can only refrain from hurling for so long... and I'm nearing my limit.

The Naughty Neighbor:

GirlNextDoor was lurking about in the dark lastnight. I know this, because when we returned from the movies.. this was sitting outside my front door. Uh huh. She had mentioned getting a cucumber that reminded her of something. However, that it is green and bumpy makes me seriously think we might need to take MrGirlNextDoor to see a doctor. AHAHAHHA! HAHAHA! OK, she's going to kick my ass now. I better change the locks fast.

Humlet

Monkey was giggling at a bird in the garden, so I glanced out. I thought it was a butterfly! But a humming bird seemed to be enjoying the sprinkler being on. Best photo I could get from my office... and he took off pretty quickly.

Fun and Games 1999 Style

Today was a craptastic work day. I am scanning art for a new project, and that takes forever. FOREVER. So, while waiting for my scanner to process the images, I thought I would play with a toy my sister is letting me borrow. You can hook video things up to it and create DVD's. Over time I have had a few different types of video recorders, and basically can't watch any of the smaller video cassettes now. My newest hooks up to my puter so I won't have these issues ANYMORE!! Because no matter how I try, these silly things get misplaced. Today I decided to figure out how it would hook up to my VCR. Once I figured out there was a difference between the video IN plugs and the video OUT plugs... I got it to work! So fun! So I have been copying old VHS home movies to DVD.. er, DVR? Yeah, that one. Or is it DVD-R? Whatever. And I can watch them on my computer now. I now have my wedding videos saved, and vacation videos. I still have quite a few to go. Then I will do some VHS-C tapes.. which I can run through the VCR player. I have one type I am still a bit perplexed on... I'll think about that later.

This particular movie cracked me up. Not only because MrNV gets upset because he still had hair back in 1999... but because it was Monkey Boy's very first storm chase :) MrNV was calling that cloud behind us a wall cloud, but it isn't. We were newbies then :) Just a SLC - Scary Looking Cloud :) Monkey was not quite 3 months old... and you know he was loving that flash of lightning!! Someone call child services QUICK!! MrNV crushed the mic on this camera, so we had to use an external mic. I used to make fun of him and make him act like a reporter :) The baby is just so doggone cute. And MrNV's hair really does crack me up.. those bangs! And the look of fear he has after the lightning blasts him with purple. You can tell he's thinking, "Oh, shit, is that a pole behind me???".

Monkey Drawing

MrNV and I were sitting in the office this evening doing work stuff, so Monkey decided to draw on the floor. I think he created a little war down there! The last one was his idea for a thingie MrNV wants to create. Because he's insane. He wants to buy a personal hovercraft, those small ones, then rig helium to it and fly it. He feels that if he uses the hovercraft he'll be able to control it in the air. I only know that I'll be raising his life insurance again. I tell ya. So, anyway, Monkey drew his version of how it would look. He's so cute :) He forgot the part where MrNV is falling to his death...

Things that please me...

...but also freak me out. I'm not very familiar with Faith Hill, I know she's a country singer. But there was a link today to a site which talks about how her cover shoot was Photoshopped. I have Photoshop CS2, the best I can do is remove blemishes. I need lessons :) But I am curious, WHAT is with her arm in the after photo? Holy hell, if they are always touching up photos like this, it's no wonder we all think Nicole Richie needs to eat more donuts! It's all pretty fascinating, but the arm really disturbs me. MrNV bitched that he likes the face before because the after blurred effect makes her look pale. So, there y'are. And by the way, I think she looked just fine in the original. Perhaps I would like celebs more if photo shoots didn't make them look like computer animated humans.

Check it all out HERE.
If the flashing animation makes you kerazy, you can see the before photo HERE where they pointed out the changes made.

OH! And I'm angry today. I purchased a new way cool surveillance camera at Sam's Club a few days ago. No, I don't like Sam's Club. But I also hate shopping. But the Mr wanted to go, so we go'd. It's tres groovy because the camera can be moved 180 degrees right and left, and can even go up and down! I can spy on my entire neighborhood! The receiver is a hand held remote control.. which has the buttons to move the camera around. And it even has sound, so I was able to hear the birdies in the tree it was sitting in yesterday. However, it has night vision mode and it won't shut off. There is no special button, it 'senses' when it needs night vision. Obviously the sensor is whacked, because it won't shut it off. So I exchanged it today... and this one does it TOO! I read the ENTIRE stupid 4 page pamphlet that came with it. Nothing about special ways to turn it on so you don't trip the sensor, nothing. It's basic plug-n-play sorta stuff. So now I have to go to Sam's Club hell AGAIN and exchange it. But this time I'm going to pester a tech and see if they can't figure out whazzup. My other one works great, just doesn't move around like this one. HOW can I be the future Howard Hughes.. if I can't get my stupid cameras to work!?? Reminds me, I need to buy bottles to pee in.

Icky.. and fun

While working I turned on the BRAVO channel, and it's a marathon of that absolutely grotesque show 'The Real Housewives of Orange County'. Seriously, I could gag. And you know I can't change the channel. It's like a drug. After today I won't think of the show again, but once it's on my TV.. and I see it's one episode after another.. I'm hooked. So I'm typing away and every once in a while I'll hear something so absurd I have to pause and just look up in shock. For example, some wealthy woman had a big 4-wheel drive black SUV thingie .. and it had pink wheels. "I'm having 5 carat cubic zirconia put in the wheels!".. and they zoomed in and showed these big stones in the wheel. Just so ... pointless? I mean, are these people so bored they have to come up with stupid ideas like this? And there is a 20 year old girl marrying some older guy.. he has 2 young kids. They seem like sweet kids, and the guy is alright... if you're into men looking for a trophy wife. But I just don't see these two working out. But what do I know. I guess a man looking for a trophy wife accepts that the trophy wife is looking for a man with money. There is only 1 woman on the show that's somewhat tolerable, she is the only brunette. Her husband is some retired athlete. But her kids are spoiled rotten. Reminds me I need to beat my kid more, and add 'NO!' to my vocabulary :)

Any scrapbookers out there? I'm thinking of attending maybe a couple classes for kicks at THIS show this October. Wanna go? Any recommendations on which ones I should go to? I've never been to one before. I'll prolly force GirlNextDoor to come along, or I'll just go alone. Nobody I know likes scrapbooking that much. I'm not that into the formal layouts, but I like the artistic stuff. I dunno. Might go. Might not. MrNV keeps telling me he'll come along, but I know he'll hate it. I like for him to suffer, but not THAT much :)

Oh well. Back to work. And I REALLY need to change channels. Give me strength!!

Um... good doggie??

I already have a huge list of things that scare me. Spiders that move, spiders that don't move, non-pool water deeper than 2 inches.... and THIS DOG! Pffftttt!!! If I were to step out of my front door and find this muscle mass glaring at me I'd surely die on the spot. Do you think it can jump fences?? It could probably EAT the fence!! You can read about the puppy HERE. It's actually so large because of a muscle disorder. Her name is Wendy. I'm thinking more Asskickerpotomus! But, whatever. Call it what you will. Just run like hell if it comes when you do call it!

Braggy Bragerton..

MrNV returned from a trip tonight, he spent some time in Atlantic City. He went there with his high roller buddy, and got to stay in his suite. Usually when he has to do these trips, he gets to stay in a modest hotel and the best loot he can steal for me is the free Suave shampoo and a plastic pen. It's all business, I get it, but I know there has to be fun. I mean, when I'm at home cleaning dog vomit from my carpet.. and my husband calls and says this: "Lorraine! You should see this suite! It's HUUUUUUGE!! There are separate bedrooms at each end, and plasma screens everywhere." I think you get the idea? And it's funny that a man's idea of an awesome suite is how many plasma screens it has :) But I am blown away at how money is thrown at people with money. Everything comped, access to the heli if needed and all sorts of other things. But his friend was very sweet and let MrNV have his way in Trump Exchange gift shop with his comps. I mean, they gave the guy an iPhone even! MrNV would have gotten one but they were out... sure. See how greedy I am? But he was very sweet and brought back some great items for his ungrateful bitchy wife. And for Monkey Boy, he bought cologne. They didn't have kid things, and the little ape is going through a phase where he wants to smell nice. It's so funny.

The butterfly is a perfume bottle. It's gorgeous. I love butterflies, so he did really well there in thinking of me :) It's so gorgeous, made of glass and metal. I'm so dumb when it comes to anything stylish, so I have no idea if there is a story behind who makes it. I just know it's beautiful. My favorite smelly thing is the Bulgari lotion which he took out of the suite. Holy cow! He also bought a bottle of the cologne in the store, so I'll be stealing it. I don't care if it's mens, it smells good and I love it. There is also the Bulgari shampoo and conditioner :) See how easy I am? Just steal stuff from the room. He bought, and bought as in free, a pair of sunglasses also. They are Skagen if that means anything. And a bottle of Gucci Rush cologne. Or is it perfume? Doesn't say. I just know my office now smells like a brothel. And I love and adore free stuff :) I'm glad I'm not a celeb, I'd be at every party that offered swag.

He also stole the leather notepad for me, bottom left in the photo. It weighs about 10 pounds!! SERIOUSLY!! He took 2, and his luggage was over the weight limit :) Must be so that it doesn't slide when people write on it.

MrNV also took his camera phone, so he snapped some shots of the rooms. Yes, the main suite his friend stayed in had a plasma screen that popped out of the vanity at the base of the bed. Cuz, you know, you gotta be able to stay in bed and watch TV :) And yes, they had not one.. but TWO butlers. And they buttled. Room service was free.. everything was free. And no, cuz I know you're wondering, they didn't lose any money while they were there :) So... it was not free as in you lost your life savings in the casino. It was free as in they paid for you to stay there, gave you stuff PLUS you walked out a few dollars richer :)

Self Entertainment..

And no, Dawg, I don't mean that. Freak. Monkey is all into just throwing a t-shirt on this time of year, so I have found ways to entertain myself :) I don't even like scary movies, but thought the shirt was funny. What can ya do.

My step-father's dad died recently, his funeral was today. I didn't know him, he was actually very abusive to my step and his siblings. It was sad, other than immediate family there were only about 6 people there. I'm not into sad funerals, but I at least hope more than 6 people come to think of me. I've never been to a Catholic funeral before, so that was nice. Monkey said, "I don't want to go and eat crackers!" Ahahah! So, we didn't get crackers :) But we did get to run a few stop signs, so that was great.

That Naughty Prince Charles

...giggle... This photo was taken in the last few days, he was honoring troops in London. ...giggle... I know that's how MrNV greets most women he meets. Except that it's accompanied by a "wheeeeeeee" sound and he starts hopping up and down. Ugh.

Future Photog

Monkey was outside searching for maters, and found a beautiful butterfly. So he took some photos of it for me. And yes, I know, he looks like a Klingon in the 2nd photo. I chuckle when he wrinkles his face... such an alien :)

Random Download..

If my math is right, which usually it isn't, did Bin Laden's 26 year old son just marry a 51 year old British woman? They don't state his age, but it does say he was 19 in 2000. So I busted out my fingers and did the math...?? And she's been married 6 times? I'm thinking girlfriend has some dough AND a British passport. If I move to Switzerland I can apply for citizenship for my husband, so I'm guessing it works the same in the UK? Little perplexing. And, of course, the age thing wigs me out. I'd like to see pictures I guess. The story is HERE.

Is it just me, or do you giggle every time you hear that commercial which states, "If you have an erection for more than 4 hours.. consult your doctor." Seriously! Is it Viagra? One of those. My dad was here one day and said he'd call the newspapers if he gets an erection for over 4 hours :) He's just so peculiar.

Why does the visine bottle have that one curved side on the bottom, but not on the other?

I emailed the 'questions' people at Whiteman AFB to hopefully hear why they were flying around yesterday. They're not too far from us, perhaps they were delayed landing for some reason and so they were circling about. I'm just curious more than anything else.

Boogey Man...

Today Monkey was hootin' and hollerin' that he could see fighter airplanes. "Not the Angels! That other one! LOOOOOOOOOOK!!!" ..point point out of my office window. And what do you know, it was there. A B-2 Stealth Bomber. They were floating around in the sky in our area for over an hour, and not doing fancy air show stuff. There is no air show around here, and it's a Tuesday. So, I'm a bit creeped out. I know it costs a ton of tax dollars to fly those babies, and so I'm sure they weren't just out and about. And why did they circle the same area over and over? Each time they did go a bit further south it seemed. And the 2 we could see, they were doing different patterns. I dunno. Things like that just creep me out a bit, like there is something going on up there that perhaps I don't know about. But they're gone now, and nobody got blow-ed up.. so it's groovy.

They were pretty high up, as you can see from the first photo. I took the second photo with my Paparazzi lens :) AHAHAH!

Silly catch-up

While organizing my image folders today, I came across silly things I forgot to mention or show.

I liked this photo of Monkey jumping into the pool.

I bought these neat thingies on clearance, and am trying to figure out what to do with them. They're actually napkin rings.. pfft. That is just so formal I can't even imagine. I want to remove them from the rings.. and then go from there. I was going to attach one to my hair clip, see how that goes.

Monkey being silly a few days after the drama with my brother. I should watch it. He might learn that being a cross-dresser makes mommy laugh.. and I might be starting something bad :)

And these are the pastries my sister brought by. The humidity made them look a bit wet. Freakin' Summer. But they were still great, as I battled the Monkey and the Mr for them :) The lemon ones are my favorites.

Big Brother 8

GirlNextDoor watches this show? WHUUUTTT?? OK, so all I know is today MK on DListed said that the guy on the left here said he isn't gay. I'm telling you, he is.
Tip #1; the entire time there is a girl in the jacuzzi, he is staring at the guy across from him during the conversation. No man can sit in a jacuzzi, that is straight, and not glance at the hot girl at least a few times.
2. He said he'd have sex with that other guy if he were a girl? WHAT?
I don't know if I'm missing a big joke here, but dude is gay. This is the second video I've seen of him today and I'm done. The first one he confessed he'd ... um .. done oral.. and not to a babe if ya know what I mean.
And I'm shockeed my GirlNextDoor is watching this. I need to have an intervention. Dude is gay. And there is nothing wrong with that :) Just own it already.